One of the most amazing halloweens to date.
Something about this holiday..
Granted ive always been attracted to the intense and asthetically rich aspects of the holiday..
Ive done some insane things.....
But all in all it has aways been a day of rebirth and rebuiilding.
Last night I went to PEX halloween party...
It was amazing.. they had taken their BM camp and rebuilt it inside an ultra clean modern warehouse...
Like being in a concrete dessert..
As I was assisting with new cracks on the dance floor I felt someone quickly brush past me...
A hasent step to lay a beat down of their own...
She turned around...
The world stood still... And two demensions so lost in time for a short moment were alligned...
Taking a breath that threw me 7 years into the past.
Speechless, they excitedly ran towards me.. jumping inot the air.. inot my arms..
Their frame thinner from before, mine broader.. I could spin her round as effortlessly as I had lost her.
The same face, smile, voice, touch....Why god WHY did I not take drugs so I could at least explain these feelings..
But the simple fact was, short of a few vodkas I was sober...riding high on a shot of pschotrophic emotions.
I couldnt say anything.. and a moment later we were dancing again..
as we had so many shows and gigs before...
running inot the back room to find a quiet place where we could catch up....
Then finding ourselves raised 6 feet high above the masses as we danced a contorted twist of contemporary ballet...
Bringing smiles and inspiration once again..
we walked around wiht each other.. running inot mutual friends we had not seen for sa long time...
"We're so glad to see you guys out, we never see you guys anymore"
Had I been on drugs I would have sworn these comments were fabricated in a well bruised heart brimming
with paranoia.. but I wasnt.. it had been three years since we parted...and people acted as if we had neverr missed a beat...
The familiar hellos and salutations people in the bizz make when out and about running into old friends...
lol in the back of their mind possibly thinking "wow their so lucky they've made it so long"
the irony...
Ive always been a fan of irony... Its the catalyst to any good story..
But in this case it was sharp ,piercing and dissorienting
Where was I , why was this happening.. why were our worlds meeting like this?
Again.
I am utterly greatful but dizzied by this.
sometimes you get a chance to mend the past... but this seemed so perfect... Frankly I couldnt tell if it was real
or years of my sub concious had finally taken over and I was really just sitting in a corner imagining all this...
And then came the outer body experience... For real
I was there almost floating over my shoulder watching me... watching my eyes...
I have no idea how this even got into my head.. I dont even remeber mirrors at this venue...
I just remeber seeing my eyes... The emotion that lied behind those eyes is too volatile to even begin to explain..
but the fact .... I felt human again...
seeing myself look at a women like that... It was so obvious... I felt blue rays pouring out....
I felt love for this person... like an astro naut on mars...
knowing i would never get to see this person again in the same demension...our ships drifiting off into
different time lines and blending with fractals of chance.
So here I am...
i suppose holywood would tell of a perfect ending here... But holywood doesnt always produce my life...
Im left jaw dropped and amazed...
Though strange to say, these emotional journeys have not made me weary.. On the other hand...
I feel stronger and more content than I ever have...
could it be... that somehow.. through the most backwards blindfolded way...somehow
im fixed...
I feel whole... I feel like me... I feel hopeful
I feel free
