3 way to NYC

Well... what a weekend...
After friday nights bust of "splatter hgouse: I decided it appropraite to take in a little vacation before the fall season... Knowing how rare it is to get a weekend off...

So I went to NYC to visit two friends, XXXXX and XXXXX.
I met them several months agoi while I was briefly seeing XXXX X girl friend. They seemed all very nice at the time, but it seemed like I had arrived on the scene during some turbulent times.
Having come out of several polyamourous relationship I am all too well versed in the cloudyness that comes out of these type of romtical triangles.
Though at the time a bit smitten by the X, !5 years in tghis buisiness can make the lessons learned so concrete that you cant edven find the power or self dellusioned energy to deny the simple fact that it is not an adoration built on stable ground.

Needles to say after their break up there was a quick ending to my dialogue with XXXXX and XXXXX and their friends.

Ironically the sadn3ess that came out of my triste with the X was more centered around the fact that there were all these amazing people around them.. I knew this girl had some kind of "emotions" for me so justy being friends was looking as a very slim possibility But after a rather dramatic end to there relationship numerous questions came out of it....

Its strange when girls offer ther girlfriends as some type of sexual bonus. And no matter how it may seem that Im just there for the ass.. the sad thing is.... Im an emo sensitive punk,,hahaha I just cant sleep with people without getting attached.. its awful.. So that is a good reason why every several years ill go moths if not a year without getting azny ass... its just easier that way.

I CAN REMEBER the night we first all slept together.,., I had been racing around the city trying to get to their appartment. I got pulled over... With the scent of a beer on my breath the officer asked why I was in such a rush... I explained i was on my way to a three way and that I was running late. He looked at me, asked where I lived and walked back to his partner in their cruiser... A few minutes l;ater, he returned with a ticket for disregarding a light and sent me on my way...

I rememebr how weird it was to be inside her girlfriend, looking over seeing her eyes filled with an almost evol intent. It seemed wrong, as if it wasnt 3 people, just two and a pet... and this is wrong wrong wrong. Needles to say a short while after that night they broke up[ and most of my contact with them was terminated.

Since I returned from BM many things have changed for me... It seemed before I was looking for my perfect compliment.. now it seems far from what i want.. Almost looking forward to differences, something i could leran from or teach from. Someone who chalanges me, someone who at the very least ointerests me and inspires me.

Since then ive spent many hours observing girls... and enjoyinbg when they are complete ependednt in thought. I think we have all been in relationships where people adjust themselves to you.. saying that love is about comprimise, but changing who you are and how you tick is not a comprimise... its a sell out.

I want to be told theythink its wronmg, I want to be shown a better way, or a different way, I want them to challange me... in hopes of extracting somerthing more pure.. something more true... something truelly me.