if you love someone....

Easy and basic lesson learned....
If you love someone... Just tell them know...
cause there is no victor in love lost

My first Gallery...

Phew... what an absolutely amazing evening.. An entire night of celebration to commemerate our new venture.. A beautiful studio space where we can present our work and mission..
So happy I have been able o help make this all happen....
Seeing so many happy people made me feel useful..with purpose.. Appreciated... Aknowledged...

Im looking forward to this month long residency of madness and cant wait to see where it takes us...

Ive been studying a lot bout my new laser and Im really lookign forward to expressing myself in this new media.. ANd what a better night to premier it than NYE...

Another dance performance tonight and then Im going to try and find some fancy eats... Wish I could magically transport and I would go right to NYC... One of my favourite places to find strange and unusual grubbage..

Thanks cosmos

Cause it doesnt seem to settle

learning how to ignore something is hard when you are being ignored- Learning to enjoy something is easier when you are being enjoyed

My attempt in slowing down and simplifying my next installation/life has come up very short... Immersed in 20 different amazing things I feel myself slowly coming apart at the seams... Like a monsterous case of A-D-D... One second Im here one second im lost...
Its time for some serious soul searching... again....
I really do believe that we can all self manifest anything we want... And in that same way we can refuse to also..

lasers, video walls, temples, residencys, all mixed in with the usual complexities and heartache that can be life...Not sure if I know why?... What motivates me to do these things... Not sure if I care to know either...

The killer in me

Early morning rise, after a restless night sleep...
self destructive self induced blindness...GET A GRIP...
Arrived a few hours early at work just to get out of my house..
my staleness, my seeming disconnect.... I need the get out more..
leave the west side...
Perhaps its time for new explorations beyond the immediate family.... The weather lately has been amazing... motorcycle rides have been epic.... A sense of satisfaction as the world smoothly slides underneath me. a crisp zip the whips my face as i watch out for discoloured falling leaves... The forest is calling me...
The simple truth is...There is too much going on... and it has my head spinning...
need to slim down some variances... Need to re-align... re-focus... re-create...
It seems to be a re occuring theme with me...maybe im not visiting it well enough...
distractions distractions.... So many distractions to help me spin my wheels...
I feel this explosion surpressed inside of me... and I know It always eventually releases... perhaps with slower release but always intense impact.
That feeling you get right after youve jumped out of plane and you finally land on ground...... sound sight, touch everything is off.... 1 split second behind where your perception is.... A syncopated rythm

Bloging in public

Ha so its been awhile since I made a "Public" post. I suppose ive been a bit guarded these past few years. Life is good, lately Ive been surrounded by amazing caring people and Im over joyed by it. Just celebrated a birthday, and really loving my job. Lots of creative output but Ironically feel a bit muted. Sometimes you just want to scream how you feel about everything.. and sometimes you just want people to just know... I feel strangely caught in the middle of these two extremes and emotional I feel the same.... Half instinctual and half cerebral, oozing with a practicality that manifests itself as a unquenchable lustful desire...
I seem to be at the mercy of these notions. Not to complain, after all they are incredibly intense...just as usual I want it all, including some type of validation that these sentiments are true... not miss directed...not miss intended... not temporary fleeting emotional whims.
Having a head swim with all these ideas during the holidays seems to add an additional complexity to the overall situation. The longing of family and some sort of traditional hold has always been an extremely desireable thing.. Having spend most holidays far away from "Home" and Family.
Every year the holidays have always been the culmination of my most cleverest ways of avoiding invitations while balancing the scales as to ake sure I am not completely alone on the holidays... IDont get me wrong I love the pleasantrys of family dinners.. I love them in fact.. Just after an hour or two of gabbing away it inevitably occurs to me that these people are not my family...blodd is thiker after all... And then it slowly seeps in... this feeling of being an outsider... cause you are... you are not family... And after years of this realization you just learn to avid such types of emotions...
I believe its perfectly healthy to have these type of reactions.... I suppose a natural reaction for a somewhat healthy mind... Though I would greatly like to have a family one day so that I dont have to second guess my instincts, emotions, identity and home like this every year.

That all being said I am fully aware of how amazing my world is and how grateful I am for everything and everyone in it...

End of year and Life is Good

Well a lot of exciting new things under way.. I trully feel blessed this season.. Been working on a lot of really neat art and developing new professional avenues. Though I hate the snow I think Im prepared to deal with it.. A little frosty love never hurt anyone right?